Dysfunction—Anger Issues: Genesis 4: 2-12; Ephesians 4: 25-27
We begin a series this week on finding ways to end dysfunctional behaviors in our lives. Yes, that sounds harsh, but these few weeks we will cover things that do tend to impair or halt our ability to function, both as people and as God’s faithful. We will cover several things including anger, listening, cruelty of others, deceit, anxiety, and a little bit of fun on Mothers’ Day. So, buckle up, friends, because it’s going to be a wild ride to Pentecost.
This week we look at anger issues. Growing up, one of my family’s favorite shows was Golden Girls. Is it the truth? Yes. Do I have an explanation for this? No. In one episode, Sophia, who is the elderly mother, endures the loss of her son, Phil. Now, for decades, Sophia and Phil’s wife Angela have been at odds—angry, unkind, hateful to one another. Sophia alleges that it is over $47 that Angela borrowed without returning.
In the final scene of confrontation, we learn that Sophia harbors grief and anger over the fact that her son dressed in ways she thought inappropriate in the 1980s. In the conversation, Angla establishes that Phil was a good husband, father, and provider. She affirms, “What he was, was a good man.” Sophia’s anger at herself, her grief, and all of this lets go, and she hugs Angela while sobbing, “My baby’s gone.”
Many of us struggle personally or know loved ones who struggle with a lot of anger and irritation in their lives. The two primary sources for anger come from control and feeling wronged. Inherently, there’s nothing totally wrong with either. Sometimes, control is because we want what we think is best. It has a very toxic and horrible form, but we’ll leave that be today. And there’s nothing wrong with feeling wronged if someone has behaved badly to you.
We see both of those at work in our Genesis story today. Cain and Abel were brothers. Both came to make sacrifices to the Lord. Abel came with the first and best of what he had produced as a sacrifice to the Lord. Cain brought…something. In truth, Cain made no effort. He brought a few crops, thinking it would be good enough. I’m sure he thought, “These are the best, why should I sacrifice them. God still gets something, and I get to enjoy what I’ve worked hard for!” He came to God with something inferior and a heart that did not care. When you treat God as an irritating obligation instead of a true sacrifice, God is not going to be thrilled.
Cain, rejected by God, desires to control the situation and make God like him by being the only one God sees. And he feels wronged because he was upstaged by his brother. Cain begins down a terrible and surprisingly short road from anger to hate to murder. There’s nothing wrong with being angry, but we can’t stay there indefinitely.
When we think of control, we think of shouting at God, feeling angry, hurt, when we feel like God should do something how we want it done. We may see control in grumbling to ourselves, “Why does my loved one, family member, or friend have this stupid belief or idea?” Sometimes that’s political, but not always. When our hopes and plans don’t exactly work out, we tend to default to anger. My mother is a very wise woman. In high school, I dated a girl she found exceedingly objectionable. Years later, after it was a messy end, I asked why she didn’t say something. She told me she knew I was just as hard-headed as her, and anger or arguing would have made it worse. She figured I’d find out soon enough.
A wise pastor once said to me, “You cannot change people. You have to pray that God changes people, for God is the only one who knows how to lead a soul out of foolishness and into the light.” We show the light of Christ, and God leads others to it. Seeking control over things holds us back from redemption and keeps us in a place of anger and status quo.
But the more difficult side of anger is when we feel wronged. I have a family member who took his Bible and marked Job out of the book of Job and wrote his own name in. Despite having everything in life he could want, he feels as though everything at every step of the way has wronged him. There are times, however, when we are legitimately wronged. I work with victims of crime every day, and it is often faith which gets them through. Some are quick to forgive, and some harbor anger for a very, very long time.
The problem with feeling anger at being wronged or a perceived wrong is that we cannot stay there because it takes us down the road to resentment. For Cain, that was a fast trip. He felt wronged in his sacrifice, grew angry at Abel, and quickly got to enough resentment to kill his own brother. There is nothing wrong with being angry at the evils around us, but we must not let it lead us into resentment, because, if left unhealed, hurt people will hurt people.
So how do we deal with the times we become angry? Ephesians is particularly not helpful. There is no three step process or spiritual insight offered here. We are told, “Don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.” Literally, this scripture says: be angry, but let it go. There are many times anger is appropriate, but it’s not a place we can stay, for it pulls us away from God and consumes us.
Maybe we should take a lesson from Jesus’s anger. The story of Jesus getting angry and flipping tables in the temple is in all four gospels. Immediately after in Matthew, he sits down to speak parables. He does the same in Mark. He talks about resurrection in Luke, and in John, he meets with Nicodemus to tell him that God so loved the world. Did Jesus get angry at the bad things happening in the temple? Yes, absolutely he did. But Jesus didn’t stay there in that mindset.
Friends, we have to let faith, prayer, and God’s guidance lead us out of anger before it gets to the point of unresolved hurt or resentment because both will pull us away from God. If we stay in our anger, we will never make room for God’s healing. And if we cannot find healing, we cannot help others find it because hurt people hurt people.
If any of us are harboring anger or resentment at people in our lives, situations we’ve experienced, or even ourselves, turn the anger into positive action like Jesus did in restoring the holiness of the temple, then let it go as Ephesians tells us to do. Anger can lead us to working for God’s justice and God’s righteousness. Anger can help us live so that people see the love of God and hope of redemption in their own lives, or anger can leave us resentful and bitter…a heart and soul too stony to let God in.
In 2019, police officer Amber Guyger was convicted of murdering Botham Jean in his own apartment when she walked in thinking it was her apartment and shot him. Many family members testified at sentencing and told of their anger and hurt at what she had done. But the victim’s brother, did something different, entirely. He forgave her and asked if he could give her a hug. He said to her, “If you are truly sorry…I forgive you. And I know if you go to God and ask him, he will forgive you.” He then embraced her as she sobbed on his shoulder.
There are many stories all over the world that show us holding on to anger, whether from a sense of control or from being wronged, will lead us to resentment, bitterness, and misery. Letting it go may be the hardest thing we will ever do. Like Sophia in the Golden Girls, we may have to face the pain and hurt that have held up that anger for years. But God is in the business of forgiveness, grace, and redemption, and so should we be. When we feel anger, may it push us to seek more of God and more of God’s wisdom and solutions in life. In every broken place may we be filled with grace and healing.
Worship Service Video https://www.facebook.com/fccmacon/videos/796701039809645/