Overcoming Betrayal: Gen. 37: 19-27, 39: 1-2; Luke 22: 1-6, 47-48
[SLIDE 1] With a British grandmother, I have grown up watching a lot of British TV. [SLIDE 2] One of my favorite movies is Wicked Little Letters. It’s a comedy about this conservative town of Littlehampton receiving dozens of letters with crude insults and profanities. In particular one very staunch church lady named Edith receives the bulk of the hateful letters. The local Irish immigrant, Rose, is accused because of her noticeably foul mouth and bad history with Edith. But in a shocking betrayal to the entire town who loved her and sympathized with her, Edith is revealed to be the poisonous pen pal sending the hateful letters all over town.
Betrayal is a real and horrendous thing we all deal with. Betrayal is one of the few things that can literally break a person from within and without. [SLIDE 3] There are three things in our lessons for today we can learn in coping with betrayal: first, it’s never about you; second, be prepared because it’s going to hurt; and last, we must refocus on God when we are betrayed.
[SLIDE 4] First, betrayal is never about you or anything you could do differently or better. Self-blame is a huge part of betrayal, but it’s not a cause of betrayal. In our Gospel lesson, we read of this unholy conspiracy among Judas, Satan entering him, and the religious leaders who bought and paid for the betrayal. There is no indication Jesus did anything triggering, problematic, or wrong. Judas betrayed Jesus because of the unchecked evil within himself. Judas betrayed Jesus because the worst parts about him, his greed and faithlessness, were fed by the religious leaders and their offer of money to sell Jesus out.
[SLIDE 5] Likewise, Joseph did nothing to deserve his betrayal by his own brothers. He might have been a somewhat obnoxious teenager, but that requires a little discipline and grounding, not selling them off into slavery and faking their death. The betrayal came from the brother’s own worst self within—their jealousy, their anger, and their heart-heartedness. The betrayal also came from Jacob’s preferential treatment and creation of a dangerous family dynamic. This evil of betrayal was created and thrived on the bad intentions of the betrayers. Betrayal is never the victim’s fault. If you have lived with disappointments, broken promises, irritation at folks who don’t live up to what they should, it’s on them, not you. You are not responsible for the bad choices someone else makes, especially if that choice is to break and destroy your trust.
[SLIDE 6] But the sad truth is that betrayal is always going to be a painful experience. The only way betrayal really works is when it comes from a place of trust. It’s not some stranger causing you a problem. Betrayal comes from someone close to you, someone whom you may love. That is why it is so devastating—that element of trust that is inherent in any betrayal. Joseph’s betrayal came from his brothers. His family was filled with dysfunction that stayed hidden, lurking just under the surface. So, not only were their deeds and intentions horrific, the destruction of their trust and relationship with Joseph was equally as devastating. Joseph went out there to check on him. If he knew their real feelings, I am certain he would have stayed home in safety.
Likewise, Jesus’s betrayal did not come from some religious leader far removed, from Rome, the oppressive empire, or someone from without trying to destroy him. Betrayal came from one of his 12 disciples, Judas. And his betrayal was sealed with the kiss of friendship. Betrayal hurts us on two different fronts: first there will be real consequences and outcomes, second, the broken love, relationship, or trust will hurt our soul and spirit.
[SLIDE 7] Very often, I don’t think a betrayer realizes the gravity and consequences of their actions. If we continue on in the stories of Joseph and Jesus, we learn that both sets of betrayers come to regret their actions. That is because all the way around betrayal is ugly, destructive, and corrosive to the faith and spirit of God within us.
When we hear stories of betrayal: spouses who betray one another’s trust and fidelity, a thieving business association who steals from the company, friends who sell one another out, a boss who throws their employee under the bus…all of these instances show real consequences: lost jobs, broken relationships, destroyed marriages. But the hurt within the soul of the betrayed is often just as bad as the real consequences themselves. Jesus ended up dying on a cross. Joseph ended up trafficked to a foreign country. But we all have a choice on how to handle betrayal. Betrayal sets up a choice within us: will we be bitter and broken, or will we build on our faith in God? Once trust is broken, it is very hard to earn back, or for the victim to learn how to trust again.
[SLIDE 8] The answer to the ugliness of betrayal is to refocus on our faith and hope in God. The outcome of Jesus’s betrayal was ugly and brutal. But it was also a work of hope and redemption. The outcome of Joseph’s betrayal was also very ugly and horrible. But we also read in Joseph’s story, “The Lord was with Joseph, so he succeeded in everything he did as he served in the home of his Egyptian master.” In all of the suffering and horrible aspects of Joseph’s betrayal, God was with him. We have this choice—to become bitter and broken or to lean ever more on God’s strength in our lives.
God never breaks God’s promises to us. God will never betray us. And always, through all of life, God is with us. God was with Joseph when he put on the coat of many colors. God was with Joseph when his brothers conspired to kill him then sold him into slavery. God was with Joseph when we will hear he is falsely accused, when he’s left in prison, and in his eventual triumph. In all of the good and back of Joseph’s life, God was with him. If betrayal is the poison, then seeking God’s love and leadership more in our lives is the antidote.
[SLIDE 9] A couple of months ago, I took Lilly to be groomed, which she hates. I tricked her by putting out some of her favorite cat food to keep her from hiding, then when she was eating, I snatched her up and put her in the cat carrier. Throughout the entire grooming process, she stared at me with death stares for the betrayal. I was certain the cat would murder me shortly after getting back home. But after a few hours, she came back up beside me on the couch and flopped herself against me. Now she was facing away, and wouldn’t look at me, but it was the start of rebuilding that trust again.
[SLIDE 10] Friends, after we have suffered a betrayal, our trust, emotions, and our spirits may feel damaged beyond repair, but we cannot sacrifice our ability to have trust simply because a sinful soul exploited it. Trust is a very precious and delicate thing, but we must never let it die within us. A friend of mine often says, “It takes years to build up trust, but only seconds to destroy it.” When that happens, we can rebuild our hope and trust in the One who loves us and is with us in all times of life—both the good and the bad.
So, remember, when you are betrayed by someone close to you, you are never responsible, guilty, or at fault. Betrayal comes from the hard-heartedness and bad intentions of others who would prey upon us and our love of them. When you face betrayal, it is going to be a painful ordeal. Your heart may ache. Your spirit may feel broken. There is no getting around this, but there is a path to getting through it. That path is a choice—to let the hurt and bitterness overwhelm us, or to let our trust in God overtake the bad. [SLIDE 11] My friends, you are not defined by those who hurt you and exploit your goodness. Lean on God, who loves you always and in all ways.
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